My Dreams

I read a blog called (in)courage. They asked the question, "What are your God-sized dreams for 2010?"


I struggle with dreams and aspirations. Certainly I have goals. Get last month's laundry folded TODAY. Don't burn dinner this week. Plan a Girls Night Out next month. Somedays, I just dream of taking a shower alone... no one waiting outside the curtain for me to get out and re-fill a sippy cup "right now." 


Professionally speaking, I have been to far too many conferences that tell me I'll never achieve my goals if I don't write them down. Start small- organize by timeframes (monthly, yearly, 2 year, 5 year, etc.)- get busy. I do know that if I don't set goals/ dreams for my business, I probably won't ever really set out to make them happen.


My struggle with "What are your dreams?" is that often, most often, dreams are self-centered. But, we all have them. I have them. "I want to..." "If I could be anything, I'd be a..." See the I in that? My question is this: If this life, my life, is not about me, is it wrong to have dreams for myself? Twisted, I know. I should really stop dwelling on it and just go to bed, seeing that it's 1:30 am. Regardless, at the moment I do think it's ok to have a longing for something, a dream, pray about it, and wait on the Lord. Dreams become a problem when the focus is self-glorification and we will stop at nothing to obtain them, no matter the cost.


God does address dreams in the Bible. Most famous verse for this is "Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed." (Prov 16:3).


Soooo, since He said it...... "What are my God-sized goals for 2010?"


I keep mulling over this question and my answer keeps involving other people.  "I want 2010, my husband's first year in full-time paid ministry, to be, well, incredible." Struggles, victories, camps, services, lessons learned, growth... all incredible. "I want my kids to..." "I want my church to..."


So for me... what do I want? I want to stop pondering the call on my life and finally do something about it. Sounds so simple. But, 

• I'm a wife to a full- time youth pastor (who for the last 6 months has been working 2 jobs), 
• a mom to a 4 yr old, 2 yr old, 1 yr old (and 7 months pregnant with #4)
• a business owner to not one, but two businesses
• a work-from-home mom to that 4 yr old, 2 yr old, and 1 yr old
• did I mention that the church we have been called to is 30 minutes from the "city" and the location of our new home?

Sounds incredibly impossible to GENUINELY say, "Yes, Lord, I'll start putting my testimony in writing. I'll commit to traveling (which I love in theory, but not reality). I'll put aside the business that I've built for the last 5 years. Isn't it time for my 'profit year'? Where was I? Oh, right. Yes, Lord, I will suggest to other women, that I might have something to share with them and can I be the speaker at your next conference? Yes, Lord, all excuses aside, if Your desire for me is to share You all the time, nothing hinders, then I'll do it." 

I'd probably add to that prayer for this God-sized dream a request to handle the details (which of course He'll do) and to MAYBE drop a housekeeper my way? (Just kidding.) (Sort of.) 

As I sit here feeling this unborn baby jump all around in my belly, trying desperately hard to come out my belly button, I wonder how in the world I could possibly pursue the longing in my heart- the calling. It will take a good cry (somehow that always brings brokenness and a breakthrough). It will take me holding life as I know it with a very loose grip. If I have to sell my business, lose my tv spot, remove the notion that I'm that "buzz girl," that it will be ok. Leap of faith they call it. 

God-sized dreams always appear impossible, don't they? For crying out loud, He asked Noah to build a boat and shout "Flood" in a crowded movie theater (not quite, but you get the picture). He asked Jonah to go a gazilion miles away with no Continental Airlines, if you know what I mean. He impregnated a woman with no sex.... HELLO! I'm just saying. God-sized plans REQUIRE weak people to have God-sized dreams.

2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

I love the word perfect in that verse. It makes the word weak, the one I'm familiar with, sound beautiful. 

In 2010, I pray that God's perfection will be glorified and magnified with the things He's able to do through a weak woman who says Yes to Him.