Focus

I'm in a funk. 

God is stirring my heart and I can't focus on what I need to be doing. Meaning, work. I started beaumontbuzz.com in Dec of 2006. So many days I have worked late at night and early morning. Here lately when I sit at the computer to drum up something creative for my business, I go blank. Mostly because my desire for what I'm doing is a bit numb. I know that it is common for one's passion for their work to fade and then be revitalized from time to time. I'm in the fade stage...

All day long, I'm thinking about God. That sounds funny. Maybe I should say that all day long, I'm thinking about God's purposes and where He is working. It's just that I feel like He is leading me in a new direction, but my heart is still pondering what that direction is. As a result, I'm becoming a bit obsessed for meditating on His word, praying and just talking about the things of God. Somehow I'm sure this isn't a bad thing. Except that I have to work. Who doesn't? The desires of the heart and the responsibilities of the day are combating.  My husband goes through this alot. I often get frustrated with his struggle for maintaining earthly responsibilities while pursuing spiritual responsibilities. That sounds terrible. Probably needs further explanation. Trey feels called and has the desire to work in full time ministry. But, does not necessarily feel called to be a pastor of any sort. So what else is there? Is it just being a witness or ministering to those around us? Maybe. Is it being paid to work in ministry? Maybe. It's the "maybe" that frustrates me. I just want to know! Anyway, all that to say, is that I can finally relate to him in this area. It's exactly what I'm going through.

Since you have stumbled across this blog and got suckered into reading :), please pray for me. I need God's help in placing proper focus on Him and the responsibilities He's given me. I don't think there is a "balance" needed because I don't believe it is Biblical to equally focus on God versus other things. He should be way up there on the totem pole. But, I do have to properly care for the things He has placed in my hands (business, family, etc). Please pray for direction and conviction for what God should have me pursue. (Thanks :) ).

Luke 1:26-56

At church yesterday, Keith challenged us to put ourselves in Mary's shoes. Mary, Jesus' mom. So, I've been studying Mary's story in Luke this morning. When you are a mom and look at Mary's story through the eyes of your own mothering experience, it changes everything. 

When I found out I was pregnant with Treson, I was all but short of a brown paper bag needed for my impending hyperventilation. We had only been married for 5 months. A baby?!?! I mean, we wanted to have children, but not that soon. It's amazing the emotions that can come over a woman as she stares at those two little pink lines. Once I caught my breath, my brain started racing. How do I tell Trey? Should I come up with something cute or just come out and say it? Do I tell my parents? Call the doctor? Should I have eaten that for dinner? Is this for real?!?How can this be? I mean, I know, but... Wow. There's no turning back. I'm pregnant. Really pregnant. We are going to have a b-a-b-y! Like, as in, we are going to be parents. 

Forever.

In Luke, I find the beginning of Mary's story humorous. Vs 28-29 says, "The angel went to her and said, 'Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you.' Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be." I relate this to the feeling of when someone you love says, "We have to talk" or "I have something to tell you." The anxiety of what the next few words could be is outta control! Anyway, I just picture Mary's eyes as big as saucers as she waits for what the angel has to say next.

The angel goes on to tell this young girl that she is so special that she is worthy of being called "Mom" to the King of the Universe. Wow, I know how much pride I feel when I think about my kids (well, most of the time). My kids are great, but her kid was going to be PERFECT! Geez. What a thought. 

All this is good, but the verse that has struck me the most this morning is vs 45. During Mary's visit with Elizabeth, Elizabeth praises her saying, "Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished!"

Hmmm. Could this statement be applied to me? You? "Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished." My husband said it all comes down to what God has told you. When I feel that God has let me in on His plan, do I believe it will actually come to pass or do I let my worry wart tendencies take over? It makes me sick to think that because I fret and have disbelief in His greatness for my life, that I miss the boat. That I miss blessings because I don't believe that what the Lord has said to me will be accomplished. 

Will we ever open that Christian coffee shop? Will I ever put my testimony on paper and share it with the masses? "Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished."

How's that for breakfast?

Think on these things...

While having three children ages three and under can be CHAOTIC at times... I also relish in these crazy times, especially when my kids say/do things like this:

Treson: "Let's sing 'Let Us Store." Huh? After much interrogation, I figured out he wanted to sing "O Come Let Us Adore Him"

Zoe: She claps for Treson after he uses the potty.

T: Trey made stuffed bell peppers for dinner recently. Treson normally helps in the kitchen, but on this night, he did not. 

He asked Trey, "Daddy, what are these?"

Trey: "Stuffed Bell Peppers." 

T: "Dude, they're good. You're going to have to show me how to make these sometime."

Zoe: Everytime someone is sleeping, she ssshhhh's me.

T: "Daddy, how was your day today?" (He asks this over dinner).

Z: When she makes art at school, she individually shows it to everyone who is home that night. Praise must come from everyone for her!

T: "Mommy, I love you." He says it just because. 

Z: She thinks she "tee tees" out of her belly button. Apparently that's what her brother does.

I spy a sleeping baby.

The Case for Color

I'm right in the middle of one of those dreadful battles with myself. There's a tug-of-war going on with my thoughts and I'm so caught up in it that I can't think about anything else. Do I? Don't I? Is it right? I'm so consumed with myself that I can't even breathe.

So, I do what any well meaning woman would do and I call up one of my oldest & dearest friends, Joneel.

"Hey Jo, it's Ash."

"Hey!"

"I-ya, I'm calling because

 {small pause} 

I... 

{smaller pause} 

need counseling."

Deep breath on the other end.

"Ok." 

"Sooooo.... I have a hair appointment tomorrow."

Riotous laughter erupts on the other end. "No, seriously," I explain, "I have a real dilemma!" I think I've lost her. She's still laughing, but Jo soon collects herself to really hear me out. Apparently talking about my latest hair-do idea is just not what she was expecting me to say.

Here's the deal. I recently cut my long hair to a short bobb-ish style after having baby #3. This is the third baby in 3 years, mind you. Perhaps I do need counseling, but of a different kind, if you know what I mean (yes, I DO know what makes babies). Anyway, back to the hair. I've had the new do for about 3 months and recently saw myself on television. I was watching the TiVo'd version of a monthly segment I am on for a local newstation. When I watched myself, I was just appalled at how dreary, weary & b-l-a-h that I looked. I immediately knew drastic measures must be taken which should no doubt involved changing the color of my hair. 

Herein lies the real dilemma. Hair color is expensive. At least to me, it is. Couple that with a hair cut (which I also obviously needed) and it becomes a trillion dollar investment. Well, maybe not a trillion, but somewhere around $100. Despite the "go ahead" I received from my husband, I have been tormented by the thought of spending that kind of money on my hair. Like many American families, money is tight at our house. I just felt so silly for spending the money and time on something so unnecessary for living when there are starving children in Somalia!

The Case for Color became a spiritual battle for me. It became an issue of self-gratification. Since when is Christianity about self-gratification? My husband and I have really been trying to work on owning and doing things that are true necessities only. (By the way, we are failing miserably). We are no doubt looking at the return of Christ very soon and we know that every minute counts. Somehow letting go of the extras in our lives has freed up space in our hearts (and home) to make more room for new things that God gives (not always tangible). Clearly, getting this hair-do did not fit in with our new mission. 

But, I still want it done. 

Ah! The torment rages on. This is killing me! I so want a pick me up on my exterior and, they say, "I deserve to do something for myself every once and awhile." Now, that might not be a verse in the Bible (I assure you it is NOT!), but I do understand it's relevance. So, here is how the Case for Color was solved.

I decided that because money does not grow on trees, I should not get the color. I decided that because, FOR ME, the color was frivolous, I should not get it done. I decided that because getting the color would not lead someone to Christ, I should not get it done. However, because I am a girl AND sometimes I just do things because it will make me feel better AND because I couldn't find a Bible verse that said, "Hair color is for fools," I am now a few shades blonder.

Blonder and slightly satisfied, I walked away from the salon feeling a bit guilty. However, God works in mysterious ways. My hairdresser's daughter had been witness to a horrific accident that took place at our city's Christmas parade just this past weekend. I think God used the un-ordained "me time" to be a listening ear as my hairdresser expressed her concerns and heartache for what she was going through. I have no doubt that God could have used the ashier hair colored me for His glory in some other way. But, through my worldliness that comes with just being human, God took the unique relationship between a hairdresser and her subject and turned it into a time for ministry.  

Who knew the Case for Color could be used for Christ by a once ashy-headed mom of three? To God be the glory by blondes, brunettes and redheads everywhere. 

Feed the Children Campaign

I'm wondering if it is possible to feed my children dinner without burning it or without it coming from a cardboard box? Here lately they are promptly getting hungry at 4:30 and the meltdowns begin. I must hurry to meet their immediate need. IF I cook, it gets burned. Happens every time. Or, I just don't know what to cook and it ends up begin a quick pizza in the oven. So much for organic eating. 

I need cheap, quick recipes. Feed the Children 2008 is on. If I don't spread the word about this need, my children might end up malnourished or with warped taste buds. I must convince them that black bacon that crumbles when you bite it is NOT normal.