As I Wait

A friend from college facebook-ed me this week asking for prayer. She is ready to be a mom, but God isn't.  So, she waits.


My five year old son has become a little too attached to Kung-Fu Panda on the XBox 360. He cries and cries for it. We explain to him that playing games/ tv is NOT going to be a priority in this family. It's just not important. We understand he likes to play, but the fits over not playing are just not ok. We are making him take a game break for a few days. So, he waits.


My sister's husband is a Marine. He'll be deployed soon. We know the day is near, so they make the most of everyday together. And she waits.


My friend's husband is addicted to surfing inappropriate websites. She prays he will soon see how destructive the material he sees is to their marriage and family. And she waits.


This week, some friends of mine from high school had to bury their 2 week old son (a twin). This week, my friend D, a Marine, was under major attack from the enemy in Afghanistan. This week, another friend from college (under age 30), began chemo for breast cancer. Again. I have 26 days until I'm due with child #4. Every little physical discomfort has me wondering if early labor is setting in. Last baby came a bit early,  so I anticipate this one will, too. And my complaint of the week? None of my pants fit. My, how God uses others to put life into perspective.


I really want a fourth child. But, I have to admit, that in these last few weeks, I've gotten a bit afraid of a fourth. Of the four, not one of them is old enough for school! I've questioned whether I can do this or not. I mean, not as though I have a choice. God promised He would never give me more than I can bear. I am reminding myself of that now so that when everyone needs something "right now" and there's no other adult around to help, I can press on with the day. I get fearful of the first 2 weeks this baby is here. All the feeding and pumping! Who has time to feed and pump? I mean, really, can't he or she take cereal yet? I think about lunchtime. That small window when everyone is hungry, all are in need of a nap, complaining of boredom (hello, we just had Christmas = no sympathy from me!), and needing something to eat immediately. Otherwise, they will surely die, you know. I think about growth spurts. Outfitting 4 children. Praise God for hand-me-downs, clearance racks, and grandmas. I think about trying to "get away" for a date with my husband. Who, besides us, can handle our children? I'll have to have a grandma for each kid! I think about sleep and how I won't get much, but still have to function, lovingly, during the day. I want to be a woman after God's own heart, but He is the God that never sleeps. That wasn't exactly what I had in mind when I said, "Lord, I want to be more like You."



Did I mention I run my own business, too?


I once would have been held captive by these fears. Now, I have them, but I hand them over. Really, am I going to worry about not getting a full night sleep at the same time that D is dodging bullets in Afghanistan? Am I really going to worry about losing my patience as A is losing her hair to chemo? Am I really going to worry about having 4 children when S longs for just one? No, I will not. I choose to not. Instead, I will go about my day, seeking Him for TODAY, His purpose for me TODAY, and let tomorrow be tomorrow.


And I will wait. 
Psalm 40:1 "I waited patiently for the LORD; He turned to me and heard my cry."