A Tangled Mess

Can you make out what this picture is? It's one of those things that really makes my skin boil.

TANGLED NECKLACES.

I'm getting a little heated just thinking about them! I dub myself as a patient person. So, when I talk about losing my patience, you must know that whatever got to me was really bad. Bad, like tangled necklaces bad.


My girls decided it was ok for them to get into the ONE place that's off limits to them in my jewelry chest. The doors on the side- that's where the more delicate stuff is. Not expensive, just the stuff that would end up TANGLED if gotten into.  I've managed to redeem 2 necklaces from the pile. The rest is still just that, a pile. 


The whole time I was trying to work them out, I said over and over, "Ok, Lord, surely there must be a spiritual lesson for me in this." I said it over and over because I just wasn't seeing one. All I could see was a tangled mess.


And then, out of nowhere, I asked myself "Is this me?" 


We all have go through phases where we feel like a total mess, don't we? (Please say yes.) Honestly, I'm not in that phase at the moment. However, I have no doubt I'm about to go through one. Something about having a newborn can just make a woman feel completely inadequate for the job at hand. Have you ever had the following conversations with yourself? 

• "On one hand, I'm passive, but make me mad and I'll put you in your place." (unsettled anger will explode if left unattended)
• "I want to be her friend, but she gets on my nerves." (she really just needs someone to call friend)
• "I want that pair of boots, but, I don't need them." (and there's a family with no shoes down the street)
• "I like traditional furniture, but I also like clean, modern lines." (the most frivolous debate I have with myself even when I'm not in the market for furniture. Really, who cares?)
• "On one hand, I want to say 'God, I give you all of me,' but on the other hand, that means I'm not in control!" 
• "I want to spend more time reading my Bible and praying, but I keep hitting snooze."
• "I want to be a better wife, but I'm too busy to focus on that." (Uh, the husband came first.)

Sounds like a mess to me. Internally, I can be so wishy washy. Wanting to serve God with all my heart, let Him guide me in every step during the day. However, the ways I choose to spend my time or money reflect that I only want to serve God with some (or even most, but not ALL) of my heart. The way I deliberate over some decisions is ridiculous. I think deliberation, for me, is often a way for me to stay in control (read blog name: FALSEcontrol). Deliberation just prolongs the decision!


Here's what I gathered in the tangled mess saga. I am so much like the tangled necklaces. Some pieces of me have gotten straightened out. But, if I don't keep inviting God to work the rest out, then the rest of me stays all messed up. It takes time, patience, a focused eye, and careful maneuvering to untangle a pile of necklaces.  Rather should I say, to untangle me.


Why do we do some of the things we don't want to? Why do we let ourselves be characterized by undesirable characteristics? Paul said it well in Romans 7:15-20, "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. ¹⁶And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. ¹⁷As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. ¹⁸I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. ¹⁹For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. ²⁰Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it." (This passage always makes me laugh. I relate all too well.)


If we weren't the tangles messes that we are, we'd have no need for God. We'd be perfect. Seeing that we are not, and will never be, we can engage God to beg for His merciful, loving, sometimes painful, straightening out. One by one, our messy-selves will enjoy the blessing of being refined- untangled- by His hand. 


Tangled necklaces will always be just a pile of messy metal if we don't exercise the patience to (painfully) focus on one strand, freeing one bead, one knot, at a time. Not an enjoyable process, but rewarding in the end. 


The best part about being a tangled mess? Once a necklace has been untangled, it is ready to be used.