All those blogs I've read are written by women who swear they don't have it all together when it comes to schooling at home.
But from the outside looking in, I beg to differ. I have read lots of great stories reflecting all the great things that happened in their home "today." And I get sooooo excited about our own discoveries and memory making that are on the horizon.
But, truth be told, at the moment (1:02 am), I'm feeling woefully inadequate to complete the task I feel called to.
Now, I'm not saying that other parents out there haven't felt the same. I just don't read about this part of it. The really hard part... getting started.
So, I'm just gonna lay it all out there. That way, in the event one of the 10 people that read this might be considering homeschooling, and you feel overwhelmed, unprepared, scared, worried, nauseated, frustrated, nervous, doubtful, and/or
fearful-you've-made-the-wrong-decision-but-you-know-what-you-are-doing-is-right-for-you-but-you-are-worried-about-it-anyway...
I want you to be able to relate.
Keep in mind our family situation:
4 kids with the oldest being 5. I run my own business. 2 of the 4 kids play soccer and another one thinks she does (that's 2.5 practices a week and 2 games). My husband works as a youth pastor and has recently taken up soccer referee-ing (= more games).
I have had visions of sugar plum fairies coming to decorate my dining room to make it an inspiring place to learn. For the last year, superT (the kindergartener) has been talking about kindergarten at preschool. I do NOT want to bore him with wrought iron & china place settings in the hutch. However, the sugar plum fairies confused the work order and (surprise!) the dining room pretty much looks the same as it always has.
Oh! And because the dining room was cute and ready to go, I'd give a little bonus cheer to our space by having the surrounding rooms ALL picked up and cleaned. That way, we could easily learn our ABC's without the distraction of laundry, empty toy boxes, and fortified cereal on the floor. Let's just say I'll get to this part "tomorrow."
I have had visions of starting the first day with a bang! Like a my-mom-is-the-best-teacher-ever and homeschool-rocks kind of bang. It included all kinds of first day traditions that my kids will smile smugly upon for years. Good thing this is our first year and the kids don't know what to expect. They have no idea that we will probably only accomplish 2 out of the 2500 things I really wanted to do.
I have had visions of having all school materials neatly laid out for easy organization to accomplish each day's lessons. They ARE
I hear my doubters in the back of my head, "Are you sure you can do this?"
No, at this time, I am not.
I hear friends who have gone before me in the homeschooling waters telling me "remember it's just kindergarten." I get that. I know that it's ok to not get everything right. Low expectations = high satisfaction. My fear is that if I'm not "together," my son will pick up on that and get a) bored, b) frustrated or c) the desire to go to a different school. For the first time in my parenting life (not the last), I am experiencing the fear of failure. I mean, have I absolutely lost my mind? What if I'm the worst teacher ever and homeschooling doesn't rock? What if I don't get to take pictures? What if my younger children want to "help" a little too much and drive big brother crazy? And then, what if they all start fighting over school stuff and big bro throws his pencil down in surrender? (No, we haven't done that before at all.)
I went to biblegateway.com and searched the word "prepared" and "equipped."
Prepared pulled up 79 references.
Equipped pulled up 4. (but try 'equipment' and you get all kinds of stuff)
In the last few days, I have been doing lots of casting. Casting my cares on Him. Praying, and even begging, God for energy, wisdom, and a closeness to Him. I don't feel equipped, nor prepared for this chapter in our lives. I feel stretched and burdened. I feel overwhelmed. I even feel a little embarrassed about the whole no-2-books thing. (Looks like we'll be starting History and Science next week).
More importantly, God told Abraham and He tells me the same today:
"Do not be afraid, for Iam with you..." - Genesis 26:24
And with that, I'm off to sleep. I start my new teaching job soon!
5 comments:
I've looked at homeschooling sites for ideas to do with my three year old, and I too get super overwhelmed. How do these people have time to plan all this out and homeschool and do all the other things involved in keeping a house running?!
Praying you and T will have a wonderful day today, Ashley. God's grace is so much bigger than our limitations and inadequacies. And no matter what image you've conjured up in your head and how it may or may not compare with what actually happens, T will love it because he gets time with YOU! Hugs, friend!!
Thanks for sharing your heart, Ashley!! I've added new "traditions" every year ... we didn't do any of the things we did this year when "Thoughtful" started K!!
Yeah, I was going to say "It's just Kindergarten" ... I used to hate it when people would tell me that, too! LOL!! ;)
I think you and T will do great! Yes, those little princesses will bring distraction after distraction! I only have one ... and let me tell you, she does!! That's why she's going to MDO!! ;)
As far as starting history and science next week ... you were going to start then anyway!! ;) We just started one of our subjects today (week 3) and won't start another for 2 more weeks! It's really okay!!
Love you! Lots of hugs!!! Have a great first day!! I can't wait to see/hear all about it!! ;)
P.S. I have the perfect BOY activity for us to do together once the girls get settled in MDO! ;)
You can do it girl, it will be great! You don't have to do it all on the first day or everyday for that matter. He is only in K, stick to the basics, and he will thrive! God will give you the wisdom, patience, and strength, believe me, I know, teaching karis how to read some days seems like my undoing. God is reminding me that He is sanctifying me through this too! Love you girl!
i love your heart to make things perfect so t will have the best experiences and memories and because of that and your faith you will succeed! can't wait to read in a few months how you've gotten the hang of this homeschooling thing. hey, you might actually be posting print outs soon too ;)! you have to start somewhere!
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