If I had...

I used an earlier post as an application for a scholarship to the She Speaks Conference. This is for women who want to have a ministry in writing, blogging, and/or speaking. 

I didn't win.

I was ok at first. Then I was bummed. I've been praying for confirmation that doing this sort of thing is a direction that God is leading me, not just something I personally want to do. I just knew that winning the scholarship would be just the confirmation I needed. So, when I didn't win, I felt a little bit at a loss. 

Then, I thought, what the heck? All this means is that if I'm meant to go to the conference, I have to opportunity to see God move in an unexpected way to provide the means to make it happen. I have a friend who is young and recently found out she has ovarian cancer. I thought, what if that was me? If I found out today that I have cancer, what would I want to do?

I would want to write.

I would want to speak.

I would want to share.

I don't even know if I'm really any good at any of the above. Really good. I mean, my mom says I'm good, but I'm not sure if that counts.

So, I've resolved to start writing my story. To start with the Happy Birthday. To start with the knock. To start with the news. To start with the whys, the when & the how. 

And maybe, just maybe, when my time here is done, I won't leave this Earth wishing that I would have just done what I always wished I would.