Perfectly "good" people. Perfectly bad choices.
Could it have been me instead?
I feel incredibly disconnected from and broken for a dear, dear friend. My friend was the image of "having it all." Well dressed mom, well dressed children, a loving marriage, cute cookies for the party, and lots of friends. The kind that makes you wonder, "How does she do it all?"
But then the life took some unexpected turns. The marriage started failing. The pressures of life started mounting. My dear friend turned to dangerous substances to relieve the stress. Those have turned into addictions.
Rock bottom has been hit more than once. She's taking dangerous measures to sure up the fulfillment of her dangerous addictions. It's costing her everything. My friend, the Supermom. My. Friend.
My heart aches for things she's going through I dare not write about.
And the worst thing about it? I didn't even know. I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW! How did I NOT KNOW? I talked to her. Our kids played together. We PRAYED together. And I didn't know.
Am I so caught up in me that I didn't see through her words? The red flags? Or maybe, I'm hoping, she is just that good at hiding behind closed doors. That makes me sound like a better friend than perhaps I am.
One thing, if there's just one thing, I am learning through this muck with my friend... Open the Eyes of My Heart, Lord. I want to see YOU and YOUR PEOPLE. I have 3.5 kids. I run 2 businesses. I am a youth pastor's wife. I WAY too often talk and think about what I have going on. God, I beg of You to cast my "me" thoughts aside so that I can better see inside of her. Of him. Of them.
Furthermore, could this story be me? The pressures put on us are immense. It's crucial for me to live in a constant state of self-check and reality. Personally, that's why I blog. I never, never, never want to be that woman, that mom, that other women feel like they can't live up to. Feel like they can't relate.
I unashamedly confess that I do not have it all together. I've said it before and I will shout it from mountaintops if needed. We MUST be real with each other. My poor friend, Laci, (she's not actually poor, I just pity her for putting up with me!) always gets an earful of my hard days. And so does my mom. And my sister. And most days so does Leanna. (P.S. I'm sorry!).
We- friends- need to hear from each other every now and then that our lives are a little more like taupe than rosy. And.... It's O-K! Goodness, if your kids are driving you crazy, it's perfectly normal. Doesn't mean you don't love them or you are not grateful that you have them. Just means that "today" is kinda rough!
Lord, teach me to be a better friend. A good one with a listening ear, an intuitive spirit, and a caring heart.
3 comments:
I know how you feel. I posted a few weeks ago about not even noticing that our neighbor was deployed for 6 months and his wife and kids were alone. I think it's largely our culture - we are all just a little too wrapped up in our own lives.
Ash, I pray for your friend. God's people are really hurting. It breaks my heart. Once we get transparent with others it truly transforms our lives and even opens us up for others to help us. How many times have you told someone something you were struggling with and they instantly offered you assistance or someone who could help. We don't have to suffer alone.
This week I decided that I was going to try to go one week without praying selfish things. It's tough, which is sad. My prayer for myself this year is just to know Him better each day and for Him to reveal the distractions.
Carrie @ comfortedbyGod.blogspot.com
I stumbled across your blog...
This post is the most vulnerable and genuine I've read today. I share your plea with God that He would transform my heart from "me" to others centered. Thank you for posting something REAL and not just a space-filler.
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