Day After Day and Then There Was Today (A Test of Philippians 4:13)

"Day after day our God is reigning
He’s never shaken, my hope is in the Lord
Time after time our God is faithful
Trustworthy Savior, my hope is in the Lord"

"The fear of man and what they plan will fade
But we know You alone are God of every day
Like the flowers, man will rise and fall                 
But You are everlasting, never ending
God eternal" - Day After Day by Kristian Stanfill

"God is faithful." Nine days ago when I began to show signs of miscarriage, I immediately asked God what was going on. I knew the answer, but I wanted to hear it from Him. There have been plenty of times when I felt like I couldn't hear God. But when I sat in an emergency room last Sunday, it was evident God had two words to be heard-- "Trust Me." So, with this little conversation in my spirit, I agreed to trust Him. I was hesitantly confident that God would add miscarriage to my life's experience. I didn't know what it would be like, but it didn't matter. What mattered was that I trust Him in and despite the circumstances. The last two days have been an emotional rollercoaster for me. Today was different. I can only contribute that to God's faithfulness. We say God is faithful, but how? How can you say you've personally experienced God's faithfulness? Is that silence I hear? Just because God IS _________, doesn't mean you've yet experienced that attribute. Don't feel bad for it. He gives you what you need when you need it. For me, Faithfulness is all over this season of life.  I saw God today as Faithful to restore my joy. He was quick. Doesn't happen for everyone that way. But, I think God knows I have four kids to tend to and joy is needed in this home. Sorrow comes. Sorrow grows us. And then the day after comes. And with that, His mercies are new every morning.

I've seen God be Faithful in my relationships. When we found out we were pregnant with #5, we were nervous to announce the news. For "whatever reason" I kept finding myself surrounded by women struggling with infertility, unhealthy babies, and miscarriages. I didn't understand why these relationships were being brought to me since I did not have this struggle. This makes me laugh as I now see God's hand! It's incredible. I didn't see the common thread, but God did. He established my relationships with these women long ago knowing that one day we'd be able to relate. Blows my mind. In a very short amount of time, I have friendships that have deepened in inexplicable ways over this miscarriage. Incredible.

I woke up partially dreading today. As I made my cup of coffee, the Lord began stirring two verses in my heart:

"I can do all this through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13 
and
"I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5

Here's why I dreaded the day: I knew I had to go to Target with all four kids by myself. I do not to this kind of thing for several reasons. 1) They don't all fit in the cart. This means some have to walk. Which  means I could easily lose someone or have to call for clean up in aisle 13. 2) Someone is bound to have to go potty more than once. 1 cart, 1 parent, 4 kids, bulk diapers/ toilet paper/ paper towels/ diapers, etc, and multiple trips to the potty? No need to explain this one. 3) The ones that get to walk miraculously grow extra arms. At lightning fast speed, product comes off the shelf and into my cart. I'm trying to coupon, here, people! 4) Sympathy looks. Yes, they are all mine and yes, I have my hands full, and yes, and know what causes "this," and YES, did I answer that they are all mine?

I knew that today could go horribly awry if I did this in my own strength. HEB coffee only goes so far. I would get through Target ONLY if I chose to abide in Him. THAT is where I'd find the strength to keep my cool and get it all done. This may sound silly, but it's really a big deal to me! If there's one thing I do not want my kids to learn, it's this: Freak out when you get stressed. There's no need to TEACH them that by example. They do that well enough on their own.

After putting back 23 bathing suits in all the wrong sizes, 47 tubes of toothpaste, 16 toothbrushes, and reminding my kids only twice that there is one mama and four kids, we made it to the check out line. I may have been sweating, but I did not freak out. Abiding in Him = Strength to do anything, especially impossible tasks like going to Target with your kids.

And to think, I made it through with all kids still in my custody. I laugh, but if you've ever been to a store with my family, you know that 1) you'll never do that again and 2) hallelujah, praise the Lord, a miracle has been made.

God IS Faithful. He's not shaken. Miscarriages and trips to Target are not too much for Him.  He holds my hand, He is the Patience within, and my Joy in the morning.