Today was one of those days. After the boys left for baseball practice, my very well potty trained 4 year old did NOT make it to the potty. At the SAME exact time, my 2 year old got choked up on her hamburger and bleched it on the floor... next to the potty mess. And my 1 year old was hollering because she couldn't reach her drink.
This after a day full of:
- "I'm bored." (You've been awake for 3.5 seconds. How are you bored?)
- "Mama, she hit me!" "But she hit me 'fuhst.'"
- "I'm hungry." (Didn't you JUST eat? I'm certain that it is a scientific fact that kids eat more during the summer.)
- "Can you get that down?" (Sure, after you pick that other thing up.) "But, it's too much! I can't pick it up aaaall by myself!"
- "I'm hungry."
- "Crash!" (Clean up on aisle 13!)
- "I'm bored."
- "I'm hungry."
- "I'm bored."
- "I'm hungry."
- "Can't we just go somewhere?!?!" (Not with you people today!)
- "I'm hungry."
- "Mama, can you throw with me? Mama, can you watch us swim? Mama, can my friend come over? Mama, hold me. Mama, mama, mama, right now, right now, right now!" All of these are perfectly acceptable questions, but it's a bit much when they all come at you when you are trying to be domesticated by doing something like cook dinner. Of which, next time I decide to be frugal and make my own hamburger buns, please slap me.
My frustrations began to mount as I found an email or two for work that really needed my attention. I wanted to throw in the towel. There are just those days when it is evident you can't be everything to everyone that seem to need you.
The guilt began to creep in. It started to layer thick when I looked in the corners of my home (and my heart). It can take less than a minute for your mind to flash to all the things you have or haven't done. If that were more organized, they would have more room to play. If I unpacked that suitcase from a month ago, that spill wouldn't have gotten all over it (which just gave more to clean). If I could see my countertops, the kids could make this. If I'd gotten the clothes put away, the girls wouldn't have gotten into them and they wouldn't be all over the floor. If I'd have gotten more sleep, I'd have more energy.
More than the kids and the stuff to do, the hardest part of the day was fighting my natural reaction to it. I really wanted to lash out a couple of times. And, I probably did in the mildest way I could muster a time or two. It doesn't take but one time for my kids to see me react a certain way and then mimic that attitude to each other.
By days end, I was worn out. I felt guilty for wasting a day that produced a discontent heart and ungratefulness in me. I forced myself to reflect on the day and think of the moments I WAS grateful for, thanked God for them, and then asked for forgiveness for all those other ugly moments. I know that pesky questions and overwhelming things to do absolutely do not compare to some of the things that others are going through. But, bad days are just bad days (no matter what made them bad).
I am thankful that today:
- I had food in the pantry, even after dishing out 500 snacks.
- My son asked me to sit and read with him (which led to the much needed nap).
- My youngest daughter was so cute trying to do things her sisters do. That girl is a genius I say. A genius!
- My sister called and sounded more upbeat than she has in a while-- she got into the hospital of choice for her first round of clinicals AND she did well in her classes (she's studying to be a surgical tech).
- My husband came home with 3 frozen meals for me to "cook" on our crazy days.
- I got all the clothes washed. Not folded, but washed, nonetheless.
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